by Nicole VanZuidam

What will they think?  What will they say? Will it be good enough?  Will I be good enough? Many of us have fallen captive to these familiar questions or doubts.  The weight of these things in our mind can be exhausting and fill us with paralyzing anxiety, resulting in avoidance of situations or people because it just feels easier. 

While high standards and motivation can be a very positive thing, it is important to ask ourselves the reasoning behind them.  Do these expectations align with personal goals, values, faith, or are they the result of the expectations of others and social pressure?  We can easily lose sight of the personal reasons we value and place too much weight on what others MIGHT think or say.  As a result, the decisions we make are impacted and can soon be unrecognizable in comparison to our own standards or what is needed for ourselves. 

Anxiety can be a significant contributor, creating a fear of disappointing or upsetting others.  We start to believe that if it does not align with the preference or view of others, we owe someone an explanation for those choices.   The thought of delivering this potential explanation only intensifies feelings of anxiety for fear the conversation could be confrontational or uncomfortable.  In all of these anxiety ridden scenarios, we easily forget that the fears we have are variables, not constants.  It is not guaranteed our fears will become a reality or that we will be in those positions, yet they seem to hold a certain amount of power over us.    

When we think about intimate relationships with loved ones, we can recognize our desire to be regarded and loved unconditionally, yet even in these relationships, fear and anxiety can steal opportunity for intimacy or deep knowing.  When we experience safety in a relationship, it harbors an environment that not only is much less anxiety ridden, but motivates us to reciprocate this space for the other, creating a deep, safe connection. 

If you are struggling to find that security in your close relationships or if the amount of worry you are carrying is impacting what you choose to do or how you function, therapy can be a safe, neutral space to begin, free of expectation and judgment.  One goal of this confidential space is for it to become a filter-free zone for you to explore thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and preferences.  You can spend time getting comfortable with those things about yourself, practice expressing them, and find ways to share them with those that matter to you so you can feel more comfortable and confident being your genuine self around those who are important to you and less anxious overall.  

At River Counseling, we can meet you where you are, offering hope and provide a safe space for you to accomplish these goals.   You may schedule an appointment with the Platte office at 605-337-3444.  You can also meet with one of the therapists from Sioux Falls Psychological Services or Stronghold Counseling from your own computer or smartphone.  To schedule an appointment please call 605-334-2696