by Bethany DeLange, MS

Reading is a hobby that I’ve had since I was a little kid.  I remember being so excited to check out books from the library and I’ll never forget my family’s first stop at a Barnes and Noble. I’ve always gravitated towards great stories and great storytellers, and I know I’m not alone. Movies, TV shows, and books not only entertain and inspire, they also help us gain new perspectives and experiences. There is no doubt that one common thread we all share is a love of story. Stories can help us find common ground and better understand ourselves and one another.

Every day we wake up and live our lives, we write a story for ourselves. No matter how average the day may seem, we are creating the story of our lives one interaction and experience at a time. Sometimes it’s easier to focus on the part of our stories that everyone else can see, the way our stories look from the outside. While these stories are important, often the stories that tend to have the biggest effect on our wellness and happiness are the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. The thoughts we have about our worth, our relationships, and the way we live our lives all create a story. 

Sometimes these stories can get a bit spooky.

Without realizing it, we can begin to tell ourselves stories about how we are perceived and understood by the people we love that don’t always reflect the truth. Our own insecurities, pain, and frustrations can color our stories with a worst-case-scenario sheen. After a while, our thoughts start to feel less like a story and more like the truth. Pretty soon the stories we tell ourselves can leave us depleted and lonely and sometimes a little angry.

Creating stories that more accurately reflect the truth of our relationships and ourselves takes a little effort and a lot of grace. When the stories we tell ourselves start to take a turn towards expecting the worst, blaming, or frustration it’s an internal signal that it’s time to start asking questions. Researcher Brene Brown calls this “the story I’m making up in my head” and shares that an effective tool to challenging these narratives is to simply ask if the story that’s being created is true. 

Sometimes it’s important for us to ask this question of ourselves. Sometimes, it’s important for us to ask this when a conversation with someone we care about starts to go awry.  This one simple question can help us course correct and get our stories away from their Stephen King trajectory and more towards relationships with others and ourselves that are richer and healthier.

It’s not always easy to create new stories for ourselves, especially when we’ve been telling ourselves some of the same stories for years. At River Counseling and Sioux Falls Psychological Services we are available to come alongside you as you navigate your path.  You may schedule an appointment with the Platte office at 605-337-3444, or meet with one of our Sioux Falls Psychological Services therapists from your own computer or smartphone. To schedule an appointment please call 605-334-2696.