By Nicole VanZuidam, MA

“Hey, how are you?  Good, you?” The words roll off your tongue to the passerby with your best fake smile as your thoughts are quickly jerked back to the pulsating pain.  At this point, any version of the truth would leave you on the brink of tears or with the feeling of burdening someone with an explanation of how you really are, neither of which you have the energy for right now.  Back to the task at hand, trying to bring your thoughts into focus while you exist in a brain fog.  Yet, another reminder of the extra challenges right now and feeling frustrated you cannot blaze through your daily activities as you once did.  Grief. Frustration.  Exhaustion.  Here come those hopeless feelings.  Push them down.  Just get through the day and you can crash once you get home.  Maybe your family will be busy with their own activities and you won’t have guilt from your level of irritability or spending another evening in bed ignoring them and all of the tasks you “should” be doing at home.  Maybe tomorrow I will feel better, maybe.  

Whether it be physical or emotional, pain is exhausting.  There are many similar lists of tips for living with chronic pain that could be applied to both.   These lists can include:

• Making a realistic plan for your day, prioritizing the basic “musts” with potential adaptations including those who can assist you with tasks 
• Managing medications well and a plan to do so
• Make an easily accessible list of things that can provide relief or ideas for your loved ones of things that can be helpful or comforting 
• Movement - paced exercise, or on a bad day basic stretching or breathing exercises
• Enjoyable activities or time to relax and planning them in your regular routine
• Reducing stress and extra activities and delegating when able 
• Practicing healthy sleeping and eating habits, eliminating unhelpful substances
• Treat related conditions including other physical or mental health concerns 
• Maintain quality connection with your support system including open conversation about how you are feeling

When you are not feeling well, this can seem like an insurmountable list of “shoulds” that you are failing at.  Instead, consider utilizing this list as a measure for your level of well being and functioning.  If you have seen a decline in these self care areas, it can be a cue that extra support is needed or a visit with a health provider is warranted.

One of the most important things on this list is connection with your support system.  It is a common tendency to isolate ourselves from others when we are feeling poorly, which typically adds to our negative feelings.  Going through this list with a loved one can increase the ability of both yourself and loved ones to recognize your baseline of functioning and when that has declined.  Choose a time when you are experiencing less pain to talk with them about how best they can approach these conversations with you when you are not feeling well, ways you can let them know you are struggling, what feels helpful to you, and plans you may need to implement for relief.     

A mental health professional can be an integral part of your support system, allowing you a safe and confidential space to process and navigate your journey, grieve changes you are experiencing, as well as helping to build a support system around you.  We at River Counseling are here to meet you where you are, offering hope.  You may schedule an appointment at the Platte office at 605-337-3444 or meet with one of our Sioux Falls or Yankton based therapists from your computer, smartphone, or in person at any of our clinics. To schedule an appointment, please call 605-334-2696.