by Melanie VanderPol-Bailey, MSW, CSW-PIP

Valentine’s day is known as a day to celebrate love.  We are often quick to spend money on our loved ones, but have you ever considered their love language?  Or the ways you give and receive love?  Taking the time to understand someone’s love language can improve your connections and relationships.  We are relational beings and seeking to understand the people we spend the most time with can be a fruitful investment. 

New York Times best-selling author Dr. Gray Chapman wrote the book, The Five Love Languages, and his belief is that every individual has a language of love that is preferred over the others.  Perhaps you already know your love language and are familiar with Dr. Chapman’s work.  If not, and you are curious, I would encourage you to go online and take the survey or give his book a read.  Visit www.5lovelanguages.comto discover your own love language or that of someone you love,

Here is a brief description of Dr. Chapman’s Five Love Languages;

WORD OF AFFIRMATION

If words matter to you, this is your love language.  Hearing the words, “I love you” is important, hearing the reasons behind that love is even better.  You thrive on kind and encouraging words, and may hang on and feel crushed by harsh ones. 

ACTS OF SERVICE

If “let me do that for you” is music to your ears, acts of service might be your love language.  When others serve you out of love you feel valued, while the opposite is true if things like laziness and lack of follow through occur.

RECEIVING GIFTS

Speaking this language means the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and loved.   Gifts represent heartfelt symbols of someone else’s love and affection for you.

QUALITY TIME

Sharing time with someone is paramount when quality time is your love language. Nothing says, “I love you” like another’s full, undivided attention. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

PHYSICAL TOUCH

Touchy feely people often communicate with physical touch. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are valued, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.

Learning to speak the primary love language of someone you love can radically strengthen and improve your relationship.  If you are struggling in relationships, or If learning to love yourself, your life and your circumstances is something that has been challenging; we are here to help.  River Counseling Services in Platte, Sioux Falls Psychological Services, and Stronghold Counseling Services in Sioux Falls and in Yankton - meet you where you are, offering hope. That is our mission. You may schedule an appointment at the Platte office at 605-337-3444 or meet with one of our Sioux Falls or Yankton based therapists from your computer, smartphone, or in person at any of our clinics. To schedule an appointment, please call 605-334-2696.In