by Kristi Miller, MS

“Can you play with me?” Children typically ask their parents for playtime, sometimes multiple times daily. Parents often strive to spend one-on-one time with their child. However, busy schedules often leave parents lacking free time, possibly resulting in parental guilt, stress, or discouragement. Developmentally, young children are unable to understand the demands of their parents’ schedules. They typically believe that anytime works for playtime or “if it works for me, it must work for you too!”

Playtime can be spontaneous or structured. Sometimes your child’s creative play entices you to join in. Maybe your child asked at the right time, or playtime naturally occurs during your routine. Playing uninterrupted with your child takes some effort and planning, but you just might have a good deal of fun yourself when you make time for play. Here are some ideas to create more play in your lifestyle.

1.       Daily exclusive play isn’t necessary, especially if your child is preschool age or older. You may already have some engaging times built into your schedule where you connect with your child or as a family. Bedtime routine is an example.

2.       Playtimes can be brief when your child is the star of your attention. As little as 15 minutes can create meaningful connection and often improve negative attention-seeking.

3.       Let your child pick the activity you will play together. Interacting with toys or games is an often better option than screen time (unless your child is older).

4.       Make these specific playtimes a phone-free zone when you can set them aside. Children notice parent distractions and may feel frustrated or slighted. Electronics can interfere with creativity, attunement, and connection as it relates to uninterrupted play.

5.       Allow your child to lead the play. Your child can tell you how to interact. Feel free to ask. “Which car should I have? What should the blue car do when red is crashing into it”? If your child dislikes how you are playing, comply with the child’s request if reasonable.

6.       Allow children to express frustration through playing with toys. It’s OK for the little red car to crash into the blue. Yelling at a baby doll and commanding a time out is typical, just like rocking and feeding the baby. Some aggressive play is normal and can provide stress relief for the child.

7.       Do set limits if your child’s play will likely damage the toy or hurt someone else.

8.       Whenever possible, plan uninterrupted play in your schedule so your child can anticipate it. Setting a timer to ring can be helpful.

9.       Position yourself at your child’s level. Sit on the floor. Express your delight while playing with your child.  It’s okay for you to have fun, too!

These ideas can help you develop playtime routines with your child. Try some of these ideas out and you will experience improved interaction and engagement with the little ones in your life. Have fun and be prepared for smiles!

If your child’s play is overly aggressive, or if your child lacks engagement in play, you might want to give us a call.  Our therapists who work with kids love helping young children (and their parents or caregivers) navigate life.  River Counseling Services and Sioux Falls Psychological Services meet you where you are, offering hope.  You may schedule an appointment with the Platte office at 605-337-3444, or meet with one of our Sioux Falls Psychological Services therapists from your own computer or smartphone.  To schedule an appointment please call 605-334-2696.