by Samantha Booth, MA

How to Talk to Someone About Concerning Alcohol Use

It can be difficult to talk to someone close to you about how much they are drinking.  As someone who is close to them you are often one of the first people to recognize the signs or changes in their behavior.  While you may be concerned, it is important to approach the conversation in a respectful way. 

Alcohol abuse has been stigmatized for a long time in our communities.  The shame and guilt that those struggling with alcohol addictions feel often cause them to deny their compulsive use or hide it all together.   The flip side of stigma can be how widely accepted drinking (and drinking too much) is in today’s culture.  When a person’s drinking begins to compromise the person’s safety and/or the safety of others, it may be time to have a compassionate conversation about your concerns. 

According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a medical condition characterized by an impaired ability to stop or control alcohol use despite adverse social, occupational, or health consequences. 

Other signs for concern could include: not able to say no to alcohol or be able to stop at one or two drinks, being secretive or dishonest about how much they are drinking, or seeming tired, irritable, anxious and/or depressed.

Here are some tips on starting the conversation:

1)    Pick the right time(when they are sober) and place (private and free of distractions)

2)    Use “I” statements versus “you” statements, which can feel more accusatory.  An I statement looks like this:  I feel…… when….. and what I would like………..

3)    Express your concern.  Let the person know that you care about them and their well-being.  Express you concern about any negative effects that you have noticed regarding alcohol over-use. 

4)    Listen Actively- avoid criticizing or lecturing

5)    Offer support – let them know you care - share resources and services that are available

6)    Boundaries if defensiveness occurs, set a boundary that you are willing to support them, but you will not enable their drinking.

A person's relationship with alcohol can be complex and tied to a number of underlying issues like depression, anxiety, social acceptance, or coping.  It's not an easy thing for a person who struggles with alcohol to acknowledge, admit or even accept that their drinking could be harmful to themselves and others.  They may not want to or be ready.  Remember, while you can support someone through their journey, they have to want to change too.  Be patient, it may not be as straightforward as talking about your concerns and the person then changing their behavior.

If you or someone you care about is struggling with alcohol and you want to talk about it with a professional, we have competent and caring therapists in all four of our locations - River Counseling Services in Platte, Sioux Falls Psychological Services, and Stronghold Counseling Services in Sioux Falls and in Yankton -who will meet you where you are, offering hope. That is our mission. You may schedule an appointment at the Platte office at 605-337-3444 or meet with one of our Sioux Falls or Yankton based therapists from your computer, smartphone, or in person at any of our clinics. To schedule an appointment, please call 605-334-2696.