by Melanie VanderPol-Bailey, MSW, CSW-PIP

An important piece of maintaining good mental health is understanding of what you need for the establishment of healthy personal boundaries.  Boundaries are guidelines that define how we interact with others, how we allow others to treat us and how we take care of ourselves.  In rural South Dakota we can visualize the different land boundaries; the open prairies in the west, the quartered sections of farmland, and the square city blocks.  Take a moment to think about what your boundary landscape looks like, where you may desire more time, healthy communication and interactions with others.  Think about how you honor what you may need as you also respect the value and needs of others. 

Boundaries are often referred to as the limits we sat for ourselves in various areas of our life. Some of these areas include family and relationships, work, community and church obligations, and personal time/space.   Boundaries can act as a protective shield guarding our emotional and psychological well-being. Boundaries are not exclusionary though, keeping others out or isolating ourselves. Boundaries are about creating a healthy flow between our own needs and the needs of others. 

Let’s explore some common types of boundaries:

Physical boundaries often define our personal space and physical comfort needs.  Emotional boundaries pertain to our feelings, thoughts and values.  This involves   recognizing and respecting our own emotions while also respecting the emotions of others.

Time boundaries involve setting limits on where we put our time and energy.  This includes learning to say no when necessary and avoiding over commitment. 

Social boundaries involve determining the types of relationships we engage in, establishing limits on the level of intimacy or vulnerability we share and whom we share with. 

Why are boundaries important to your mental health?  Knowing your capacity  and  understanding different types of boundaries can protect us from emotional drain and overcommitment. It can allow us to manage our own emotions and avoid taking on the emotional burdens of others.  In creating and living a life with boundaries we communicate our own self-worth, leading to improved self-esteem and self-respect.  Boundaries create a sense of control and security, which may decrease stress and anxiety. 

Having boundaries can preserve our energy and increase our focus. We can pour into the activities and relationships that align with our values and goals.  We can say no to things that feel incongruent or to events that we know we do not have the current bandwidth to be fully present to the task or activity at hand.  Integrity, intentionality, love, joy and service feel aligned and integrated when we take time to understand what we need and where we can best give to ourselves, our relationships, work and communities.  Setting boundaries is a process, and not an event. It is about loving ourselves and others well. It requires self-reflection, self- compassion and consistency. As you flow through the fleeting moments of summer, we encourage you to show up for your life in the ways that honor and preserve you and others well. 

If setting boundaries are a challenge for you, you are not alone.  It can be hard to interrupt patterns of thinking and doing that have been well established.  Sometimes we can feel that the expectation is so loud that our voice or choice cannot be considered.  At River Counseling Services in Platte, Sioux Falls Psychological Services, and Stronghold Counseling Services in Sioux Falls and in Yankton we will meet you where you are, offering hope. That is our mission. You may schedule an appointment at the Platte office at 605-337-3444 or meet with one of our Sioux Falls or Yankton based therapists from your computer, smartphone, or in person at any of our clinics. To schedule an appointment, please call 605-334-2696.