by By Ellie Larsen, LMFT, QMHP, LAC

Death of a loved one for all of us is a grieving journey.  For those that have lost a child at any age it is more than a grieving journey.  A part of ourselves died the moment our child died.   It’s the end of who we once were.  It’s the end of innocence that we once experienced as parents.  It is the end of hopes and dreams for our child’s future.  

As bereaved parents we have to learn how to live again.  For us it begins a journey of survival.   We have to learn how to endure the unimaginable each day we live without our child.  For some bereaved parents takes years to learn how to live life with this unbearable pain.  For others, they never recover.   

The journey of survival varies due to differing circumstances.  For my husband and me it helped that we needed to continue to live for our surviving children.  In our survival journey we had to learn to navigate the loss of friendships, navigate physical pain, navigate never being able to birth another child.  Navigate how to fill a gaping wound that feels too raw, too big, too overwhelming.  

Part of our survival journey meant leaning into God despite the hurt, confusion and anger.  For many bereaved parents a relationship with God can be complex.  For some bereaved parents church is a place of peace and comfort.  For other bereaved parents we can’t walk into a church without crying and we are not always wanting others to witness our tears and pain.  Other bereaved parents may turn away completely from God.  Sometimes for a period of time, sometimes for the rest of the bereaved parents’ life.  Church online has been helpful for some bereaved parents.

Surviving the unimaginable is work.  As bereaved parents, we have to learn to be gentle with ourselves and with others that are uncomfortable around us.  We are thankful when others don’t share our pain of living without their child.  Our greatest fear is that our child will be forgotten.  To our family and friends, don’t be afraid to say our child’s name or share a memory of our child.  We may have tears mixed in with relief that our child is remembered.  Please don’t let our tears scare you away.  We are just grateful our child is not forgotten about in the outside world.  As a bereaved parent our child is never forgotten about.  We are simply learning to survive and move forward with our lives one day at a time.

If you would like some support navigating your journey of survival, we are here to help. All four of our locations – River Counseling Services in Platte, Sioux Falls Psychological Services and Stronghold Counseling Services in Sioux Falls and Yankton meet you where you are, offering hope. You may schedule an appointment at the Platte office by calling 605-337-3444 or meet with one of our Sioux Falls or Yankton base therapist from your computer, smartphone or in person at any of our clinics.  To schedule an appointment please call 605-334-2696 or 605-334-7713.