by Samantha Booth, Counseling Intern

Traditionally, the father's main role has been boiled down to 3 main categories: Protector, Provider, and Disciplinarian.  And while those 3 categories are vital to a family's system, it has only been in the past several decades where we have seen fathers take on a more active role in their homes. Historically, men's identities were heavily tied to their careers.  In fact, that still holds true to today with a large majority of men feeling financial pressure to provide for their families. This pressure results in father's becoming physically and emotionally distant.  It is now more than ever we are seeing a shift in culture of men taking a more involved role in parenting.

In more recent decades as parenting roles have begun to shift as more research has come forth on the important roles a father plays outside of providing.  Other research suggests that the influence of a father's love on children's development is as great as the influence of a mother's love.  Fatherly love helps children develop a sense of their place in the world.  It helps their social, emotional, cognitive functioning.  Moreover, children who have loving, actively involved fathers are less likely to struggle with behavioral or substance abuse problems.

Here are a few ways for fathers to get involved with their families outside of the role of protector, provider, and disciplinarian:

Spend time with your child:  How a father spends his time reveals to his child what is important to him.  It is vital that the time you spend with them is full of connection-- in other words, no phone or tv distracting you!

Discipline with love and positive parenting.  Fathers should remind children of the consequences of their actions and positively acknowledge desirable behavior.  Disciplining in a consistent and calm manner helps maintain a healthy relationship of trust over fear.

Be your child's role model.  Fathers teach boys and girls what is important in life by demonstrating honesty, humility and responsibility. 

Eat together as a family. Meal times are often the best times to connect with your family.  It gives kids the chance to talk about what they are doing and want to do. It is also a good time for fathers to listen and be involved. It provides a structure for families to be together each day.

Respect the other parent of your child. Parents who respect each other and demonstrate mutual respect to their children, provide a secure environment for them. When children see parents respecting each other, they are more likely to feel that they are also accepted and respected within the father-child relationship. Unity in parenting between a mom and dad can result in more feelings of intimacy between a husband and wife, especially from a wife towards her husband.

Seek involvement early.  When fathers are involved, they send the clear and emphatic message: "I want to be your father. I am interested in you and we have a relationship that is important to me."  This kind of involvement is important to establish as early as infancy.

If you find yourself struggling with family dynamics, or want to talk about life changes or
other things with a professional, have competent and caring therapists in all four of our locations- River Counseling Services in Platte, Sioux Falls Psychological Services, and Stronghold Counseling Services in Sioux Falls and in Yankton -who will meet you where you are, offering hope. That is our mission. You may schedule an appointment at the Platte office at 605-337-3444 or meet with one of our Sioux Falls or Yankton based therapists from your computer, smartphone, or in person at any of our clinics. To schedule an appointment, please call 605-334-2696.